Thursday, September 20, 2012

The Power of Love - chapter 5 - Hope is found

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Welcome back to YankeeBurrowCreations Storytime. Grab a drink, pull up a chair, and let's see where my imagination takes us today. When you're done reading, click on the picture links to see what cool handmade items I found to accompany my story, that are also available for purchase.  You can find the rest of this story under the YankeeBurrowStorytime tab.
The Power of Love - chapter 5 - Hope is found
It's funny the way life moves on, even when as a teenager I would spiral into a depression and believe that my life was ending.  But it never did.  I could be happy for months at a time, then suddenly, I would feel angry, and sad.  Something was missing from inside me, and I didn't know what.

wall cross
Mom and Dad always took me to church when I was growing up.  I would love to go, but sometimes I would come home feeling bad about myself.  All that talk about sinners and saints, and then I would remember bits and pieces of life before Mom and Dad.  Adults screaming, sometimes at each other, sometimes at me.  Telling me I was bad and that no-one wanted me.  Hitting, swearing, and the touches that made me cry.  If God loved me, why did He let those men touch me?  Was I bad?  How could God even care about me when my birth mother never did?
I sneak a peek at Grace.  She looks so old, so much older then Faith, even though Faith is older then her.  Wrinkles and scars, and that always present haunted look in her eyes that speaks of pain that I can't even imagine.  I hated her all my life, yet I loved her too.
But Mom.  Somehow I knew that she always loved me, even when I was so mean to her. 
hand stamped necklace
I remember many nights that I would lay in bed after yet another disagreement with her, and I would hear her tiptoe into my room.  I would squeeze my eyes shut tight so she wouldn't know I was awake.  She would gently brush the hair from my forehead, and whisper "I love you, my Hope".  I would feel like crying because I wanted to just throw my arms around her neck, but I just couldn't.  Then I would feel bad about that too.  I just could not understand how she could love me, when I was thrown away by the woman who gave birth to me.  The kids in high school always teased me about not "really" being Faith's daughter.  And Faith would never talk to me about my life as Mara.  So after my high school graduation, I left.  No discussion, no goodbyes.  Just a note on the table.  What a coward I was, to leave like that.
a view of a church
I spent the next 18 months moving from place to place, from one dead end job to another.  Till one day I ended up here, in this tiny little town in the middle of nowhere.  Jobless, homeless, and hungry.  I saw a flyer for a free Thanksgiving dinner at a small local church so I went there.  I had not stepped into a church since I had left home, but when you're hungry, you don't care where the food is, you go there.  As I was going through the line, I noticed one of the women serving the food staring at me.  And crying.  Suddenly I felt that old fear return.  Grabbing my tray tight, I turned and walked to a table to eat.  After the meal, a gentleman came to sit at my table to talk to me.  He was the pastor of that little church, and he offered me a job and a place to stay.  So I did.  After some time I found a real apartment and a better job, but that church, well, now it was home to me.  And that woman at the Thanksgiving dinner?  It was her home too. 
I reach over and hold Grace's hand, and I can feel them shaking.  So I just hold on to them tightly.  Then I feel a gentle nudge in my spirit and look up.  I see her coming down the hallway, looking so calm and composed.  But I know her, my mom, and I know she is as nervous as I am, and my heart explodes.  Before I even realized that I have moved, I am in her arms, crying, and apologizing, and hugging.  In her arms, finally, I am back home.

Thank you for joining me on this journey. And remember, every item I have shared as part of my story is available for purchase, just click on the links below the pictures. And come back next week as we talk to Grace again.

Be blessed,

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